Do You Know Where Your Puppets Are?

Statistics show that over 85% of personal puppets are lying seemingly lifeless in drawers all across Canada. These statistics have just been published as part of an alarming report put forward by our government.

For years, people just like you, have assumed that their lifeless state was benign, but not so. The continued use of alcohol and common street drugs have left our interesting friends virtually comotose...but not lifeless!

Case in point...

I've set up a surveillance system in my wardrobe and have lived to witness the unthinkable. What did the cameras reveal? My ex-boyfriend puppet had been to Vegas, and let me tell you, what went to Vegas did not stay in Vegas. I am sure that this debauchary had been going on for longer than even I could imagine.

Lifeless? Pachaw!

I could almost handle the sober puppet tucked away in my bedroom, but it sickens me to think that I have been watched by a drunken ex puppet. For how long? Who knows.

I urge all who read this who have ex puppets to please, please, move them into another room in your house less invasive; perhaps an attic, or where you keep your poisons stored under the kitchen sink.

Sexual harassment by puppets is no laughing matter.

Quasimodem